Recovery 2.0 is a global community of people who have found a way to overcome addiction and thrive. It was founded in 2013 by Tommy Rosen, an internationally renowned yoga teacher, addiction recovery expert and author with over 34 years of continuous recovery from addiction.
This Q&A series features the unique stories of individuals who are part of this community, exploring their journeys into recovery and experience with Recovery 2.0.
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What brought you into recovery?
When I was 14 years old, a doctor put me on Ritalin for ADHD. I was told I’d probably be on it for my entire life because I wasn’t a “normal” human being and I really bought into that. As I got older, I would go on higher and higher doses and I became a junkie to stimulants.
I was a chef and worked at Michelin-starred fine dining restaurants. I was so stressed out but I didn’t realize how addicted to the stress I was. Even when I became a private chef, I would still create really high, tense moments for myself.
I was incredibly excited to become a dad and could not have been more intentional. However, I was ignoring the parts of me that I knew left me vulnerable to addiction. My wife had a c-section so I got to be the first one to hold our daughter for an extended period of time. When I looked into her eyes, though, it was just a vortex into deep pain and trauma around my own father leaving when I was 8 years old. I started having what felt like a panic attack. I was so joyous and freaked out at the same time.
It was after my daughter’s birth that alcoholism really had its grasp on me. I started drinking at work and coming home smelling like booze and cigarettes almost every day. I started blacking out. And then my body just completely shut down and I became non-functional for a year and a half. The doctors couldn’t figure out why, but most likely it was neurological and glandular damage from years of prescription drug use and drinking. I started abusing psychedelics and continued drinking from bed. My wife eventually asked me to leave the house and suggested I go to rehab. I completely shut down that idea. I was 37 years old.
How did you find Recovery 2.0?
I figured I’d see what was happening at Esalen, a retreat center in Big Sur. Kia Miller was leading a kundalini yoga retreat the following week. I searched up kundalini yoga and saw a video of a bunch of white people wearing turbans and I was like, “No way!” But I couldn’t shake the feeling that I should go. I called Esalen and someone had just canceled so there was one spot left and I took it.
I was alone during the five days leading up to the retreat and I really went for it – mezcal, MDMA, mushrooms, cocaine – I had an epic party for one. I woke up the morning I left for Esalen and knew I was in big trouble. When I arrived at the retreat center, I had some time on the land and went to the hot springs and I was feeling really tender.
We were waiting for Kia to come into the yoga room, sitting cross-legged in a circle, and I was speaking with a woman who told me about Tommy Rosen and how he integrates yoga into addiction recovery. I knew I needed to find out more. After class, everyone wanted Kia’s attention. The next morning I tried to talk to her, but she was surrounded again by other participants. At lunch, I approached Joe, her assistant. As it turned out, he was sober and Tommy was his sponsor for five years! Joe was celebrating his sobriety birthday that week and asked me to come with him to a 12-step meeting that Esalen hosts every Wednesday.
There were a bunch of people from Kia’s retreat at the meeting. It was an informal meeting, which allowed members to check in. After listening to everyone speak from their hearts with honesty, I found the courage to say, “I’m Ryan and I’m an alcoholic and addict” for the first time. I immediately burst into tears because it was the most honest thing I’d ever said.
There was so much love and enthusiasm and everyone in the room came and hugged me. After the meeting, Joe grabbed me by the arm and said “You’re coming with me!” We sat by the fire for hours, talking about recovery and Kia and Tommy and Recovery 2.0. It was the best conversation I’d ever had with another man. He looked at me before we said goodnight and said, “Your life started tonight.” I knew that I was done hurting myself and the people I loved.
What happened next?
The Kriya Yoga on retreat really hit me in a way that nothing ever had before. The mixture of pranayama (breathwork), mantras (chanting) and mudras (hand gestures) resulted in a pretty profound experience. In the middle of a kriya, I burst into tears. I remember looking up at Kia and she was just locked in on me with the biggest smile. I was like, “Okay, I can trust this.”
I committed to attending 90 Alcoholic Anonymous (AA) meetings in 90 days when I left. I found an old Dead Head who took me through the 12 Steps. I started getting into Recovery 2.0 meetings online and followed Tommy on Instagram. Then I attended a retreat in Costa Rica that he and Kia host every year and, when I met him in person, it became clear that he was the male role model I’d been seeking my whole life. We just fell head over heels for each other, as he does with so many people. I did my training with Tommy and started serving the Recovery 2.0 community as a space holder for meetings. Tommy and Kia are now my teachers, my mentors and my chosen family.
I’m coming up on seven years clean and sober. Overall, I’ve felt more inspired by the philosophy of yoga than the philosophy of AA so I went deeper in that direction, studying the Bhagavad Gita, the Yoga Sutras and the yamas and niyamas, which are ethical guides for living. For me, Recovery 2.0 is a design for living that really works.
What do you love most about being part of the Recovery 2.0 community?
Tommy is all about feeling good — do these practices, try this breathwork and this meditation and notice how you feel, get out in nature. He talks about the unlimited pharmacy within. As a former addict, that really appeals to me – being able to unlock my opiate receptors through breathwork and feel amazing every day.
I’ve made so many deep connections on Recovery 2.0 retreats. That is definitely where a lot of the magic happens – you’re in a sacred setting, doing yoga and then going into a universal recovery meeting to share – there’s a different charge than walking into the basement of a church. People are very open and heart-centered. The person you are on day 1 of a retreat with Recovery 2.0 is not the same person who leaves.
Staying connected through the Recovery 2.0 platform, you’re paying for access to the yoga, the teachings and meetings. There are some sweet connections and regulars who show up at meetings. I’m currently sponsoring four guys and we meet once a week over Zoom. I’m taking them through the 12 Steps and we read through the text of the Bhagavad Gita together.
I’d love to see more Recovery 2.0 members hosting in-person meetings, and to see that spread across the country and world. Maybe there’s a yoga class followed by a universal recovery meeting and it becomes a weekly thing. I teach yoga at a studio in San Francisco that has an amazing community and it’s something I’ve been thinking a lot about. Or maybe Tommy goes on tour, hosting these yoga and meeting events and then introducing a local Recovery 2.0 member who will keep it going. The idea of something like that gets me excited.
How are things going with your wife and daughter?
My daughter is nine and my wife and I are still together. I’m 44 now and we’ve been together for 21 years. It’s been years of healing, though. For us, I think the trauma of the period where I was in active drug addiction and alcoholism is starting to subside. But there was also a period where I was sober but my brain and body still needed to recover. I was doing all these different kinds of treatments, and I even moved to an Ashram at one point.
My wife and I are lucky that we laugh a lot. I know that helps. And I hope we have endless phases of our marriage together.
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